Are Cash Bars at Weddings Ever OK?

Weddings are expensive, and brides and grooms are looking for any way to cut wedding costs - and rightfully so. Shelling out nearly $30,000 to host a party in these tough economic times just feels frivolous and wasteful. But sorry brides and grooms, a cash bar is never an acceptable money-saving solution. Think about it this way: would you ever charge your pals three dollars every time they grabbed another beer at your Superbowl party? People at your wedding reception are still your guests, even if the event is not held in your house (like said Superbowl party), so they shouldn't be asked to pay for anything while they're there.

Some couples think providing non-alcoholic beverages gratis while charging guests who wish to upgrade to an alcoholic beverage is perfectly acceptable, but here's another analogy: Imagine serving all of your wedding guests free soup for dinner at your reception. Now imagine offering optional lobster tail, but forcing guests who wish to eat lobster instead of soup to shell out $30 for their meal. Surely you can see why this shouldn't be done.

If you cannot afford to host a four or five-hour open bar, there are plenty of less-costly alternatives that won't offend your guests:

1) Offer beer, wine, and soft drinks only
2) Offer a full bar for cocktail hour, then switch to beer and wine.
3) Decide on one type of drink to serve - either a specialty cocktail, champagne, one type of beer or wine. Most venues will charge significantly less to serve only one type of alcoholic beverage.
4) Choose a wedding venue that allows you to bring in your own alcohol. Believe it or not - there are plenty of venues that do not have liquor licenses and will allow couples to bring in their own. Anything unopened can be returned for a full refund after the wedding. You may need to get a little more creative with your venue with this option and choose a mansion, museum, or a facility who's main business is not generated from weddings and special events.
5) INVITE LESS PEOPLE TO YOUR WEDDING! This is the most effective way to cut wedding costs across the board. The significant savings you'll experience with a smaller guest list will allow you to treat those who you do invite with courtesy and respect.

Get more wedding etiquette advice at Elegala.com

Wedding Budget Etiquette - Who Pays for What?

Tradition states that the bride’s parents are responsible for fronting the bill for the wedding reception; but these days, the bride’s parents, groom’s parents, and the couple themselves all contribute to the wedding pool. That said, it helps to come to the budgeting table prepped with the traditional list of which side pays for what. These conventional “rules” can then be adjusted according to your financial situations:


Wedding Costs Paid by the Bride and/or Bride’s Parents:

• Ceremony rental fee

• Bride’s dress and accessories

• Ceremony flowers and décor

• Bouquets for bridesmaids and flower girl

• Photography and videography

• Engagement party

• Bridesmaids’ luncheon

• All vendor services for reception, including food, beverages, décor, and entertainment

• Groom’s ring

• Invitations and stationery

• Transportation for bridal party to and from ceremony and reception

Wedding Costs Paid by the Groom and/or Groom’s Parents:

• Marriage license and officiant’s fee

• Groom’s attire

• Bride’s bouquet, boutonnieres for ushers, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers

• Honeymoon Travel

• Rehearsal dinner

• Bachelors’ dinner

• Both of the bride’s rings

Costs Incurred by the Wedding Attendants:

• Their own attire, including shoes and accessories

• Their own lodging for the wedding (if necessary)

• Bridal party hosts bridal shower and bachelorette party

• Groom’s party hosts the bachelor party

Get even more wedding budget and wedding etiquette advice at Elegala.com - Elegant Galas made Simple

Wedding Guest Gripes - Top 8 Complaints that Irk Wedding Guests

Chances are, you´ll be the only one to notice if the five-tiered wedding cake tilts slightly to the left or the best man dons his favorite black sneaks, but wedding guests everywhere agree that the following blunders make for a painful wedding experience…

1) Bad Timing –
Long pauses between the ceremony and reception are generally a bummer. If you cannot book the ballroom immediately following the ceremony, arrange for cocktails and hors d´oeuvres at an adjacent space.

2) Cash Bars –
Sorry, a cash bar is never an acceptable money-saving solution. Swallow that expensive pill by thinking about this: you would never ask guests to pay for a cocktail in your own home; your wedding should be the same.

3) Stranded Dates –
Don´t create a painful experience for your attendants´ dates. Speed up the marathon photo sessions and seat dates together with the wedding party at the reception.

4) Stranded Guests –
If your wedding reception and ceremony locations are far apart or far from accommodations, you should provide guest transportation. Besides the obvious safety concerns of drinking and driving, your guests should remember what a lovely time they had at your wedding – not what a pain it was to get there.

5) Unaccommodating Accommodations –
Failing to provide information for convenient and affordable accommodations for long distance guests never goes over well. Don´t force guests to be their own travel agents, and don´t secure the only room block at a 5 star hotel unless all of your guests have 5 star budgets.

6) Silent or Tardy Dinner Bell –
If your four hour reception falls during meal time, understand that your guests will be expecting just that – a meal. And they´ll expect that meal during normal lunch or dinner hours, so don´t wait until 10 pm to serve dinner.

7) Ungracious Hosts –
Failing to acknowledge any gift or thoughtful gesture with hand-written, personalized thank you notes is always an etiquette faux pas and never a breech that will go unnoticed. WRITE YOUR THANK YOUS!! Suffering from writer's block? These useful thank you note examples will help you get started.

8) Just Plain Tacky –
Ok – let´s get it out – when it comes to money dances, novelty songs (hokey pokey comes to mind), singles dances or cake smashing - most guests are in agreement that they´d just as soon not see it. Of course, there will always be those who find these acts acceptable and those who don´t – but as host/hostess, your job is to make guests feel at ease and comfortable – so best to err on the safe side and refrain from these potential blunders.

Need more etiquette advice? This complete guide to wedding etiquette will answer all of your etiquette questions.

Thank You Notes - Etiquette and Wording Samples

Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving, as friends and loved ones customarily honor the commitment of the newly betrothed by showering them with wedding gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged, not entitled. Approach thank-you notes with as much thought and organization as the rest of your wedding planning process.

Rules & Etiquette

Send thank you notes to acknowledge everything from place settings to gifts of time or talent. Remember, a separate, handwritten note must be sent for each wedding present or act of kindness. Start sending thank yous as soon as gifts arrive, even if it is before your wedding (but make sure to use your maiden name). Gifts that you receive on your big day should be followed up with a thank you note no later than one month after you return from your honeymoon (now you can use your new last name). To ease the process, keep track of wedding gifts and thank-you cards on the same list of names and addresses used for your invitations. Personalize the thank you cards by ordering them with your monogram, or place a picture from your big day on the front.

What to Say - Wording Samples

Thank you notes are written and signed by one person but should express the gratitude of both the bride and the groom. ("Mike and I sincerely appreciated...") Make direct reference to the gift itself. For monetary gifts, indicate how the money will be used. Whether you specificially mention the amount given is optional. Here are some suggested wording examples to get you started:

To a close friend or relative:

Dearest Aunt Sandy,

Thank you so much for the generous gift. As you know, John and I have been saving for a new home and your contribution will help greatly. We can't wait to have you over for a housewarming party very soon! Thanks again for thinking of us and for sharing in our special day.

To a more distant friend, relative or business colleague:

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Lee,

Thank you so much for the lovely vase. It will go beautifully on our kitchen table, and Meghan and I will think of you each time we use it. Thanks again for sharing our joy.

To someone who couldn't make it to the wedding but still sent a gift:

Dear Denise & Chris,

Thank you both very much for completing our sterling place setting collection. Martin and I look forward to using it at every special dinner we host. We truly missed you both on our special day and look forward to seeing you soon.

To someone who wasn't invited to the wedding but sent a gift anyway:

Dear Lorie & Mike,

Thank you both so much for the thoughtful gift certificate. Amanda and I look forward to purchasing new appliances for our kitchen with it. Thanks again for thinking of us during this special time in our lives.

Get even more advice on thank you notes, thank you note examples, and a complete guide to wedding etiquette.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette - Dos and Don'ts

They provide the first glimpse into your wedding, but ordering, wording, and addressing invitations can be confusing without a little guidance. This list of wedding invitation etiquette dos and don’ts will help steer you through this common wedding etiquette dilemma.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette - The Dos

• Do invite the partners of guests who are married, engaged, or living with a significant other. Try to find the name of your guest’s intended date (if you don’t already know it), and include that person’s name on the invitation.
• Do send unmarried couples living together one invitation, where their names are listed in alphabetical order and on their own lines. (guests living together as roommates, not couples, should each receive their own invitation)
• Do spell out all dates, times, and states (half after four o’clock in the evening, not 4:30 pm; and the twenty-second of April, not April 22)
• Do put return postage on your response cards.
• Do send wedding invitations at least six weeks before the big day. Try to order invitations three to four months in advance to ensure they go out on time.
• Do abbreviate Mr. and Mrs., but spell out the title Doctor
• Do send a separate invitation to children over the age of 18 still living with their parents.
• Do publicize your wedding registry information by word of mouth only.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette - The Don’ts

• Don’t use punctuation on the invitation, except after abbreviations and between the city and state.
• Don’t print “and Guest” on the outer envelope to indicate to a single friend that he/she may bring a date, as this looks awkward. Print it on inner envelope instead.
• Don’t print “no children” on the invite if you’re planning an adult’s only reception. Simply address each invitation explicitly to your intended guests (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, not “The Smiths”).
• Don’t print wedding registry information on the invitation.
• Don’t forget to invite your officiant and his/her spouse to the reception.
• Don’t include an R.S.V.P for invitations to a ceremony only (by the way, it’s only proper to send invites to only the ceremony if there will NOT be a reception)

This complete guide to wedding invitations has even more tips and advice to help you plan your invites. Get a complete list of wording samples in our Wedding Invitation Wording guide.

Looking for more wedding etiquette advice? This complete etiquette guide answers all your questions!

Wedding Thank Yous - What to Say?

Writing your thank you notes may not be the most exciting task on your wedding to-do list, but it is a must-do. Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving, as friends and loved ones customarily honor the commitment of the newly betrothed by showering them with wedding gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged - not entitled. Approach thank-yous with as much thought and organization as the rest of your wedding planning.

When faced with the task of drafting a personal note to thank each guest, however, even the most thoughtful bride can draw a blank.

To help you get started, this guide to thank you notes offers many helpful thank you note examples and messages to write in cards. Consider this your cure for writer's cramp!

Guest Gripes - Top 8 Complaints that Irk Wedding Guests

Chances are, you’ll be the only one to notice if the five-tiered wedding cake tilts slightly to the left or the best man dons his favorite black sneaks, but wedding guests everywhere agree that the certain blunders make for a painful wedding experience…

This article lists to top 8 wedding guests complaints. You better read it to ensure you avoid these common wedding etiquette faux pas.

Wedding Etiquette - Solutions to the Top Etiquette Dilemmas

As one of the biggest and most potentially stressful events of your life, getting engaged and subsequently planning a wedding brings with it an onslaught of questions. As times change and weddings evolve, traditional rules of etiquette have followed suit, only adding to the confusion.

To gain a little perspective, first understand that “etiquette” is above all about treating people with courtesy and making them feel comfortable. When an etiquette question arises, consider the feelings of those who will be affected.

When an etiquette question arises, brides can consult this wedding etiquette guide for the answers. The guide's articles address all of the most commen questions - including family issues, invititations and wording, appropriate dress code, and budget questions.

Etiquette and Thank You Notes

Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving, as friends and loved ones customarily honor the commitment of the newly betrothed by showering them with wedding gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged - not entitled. Approach thank-yous with as much thought and organization as the rest of your wedding planning.

This article has some useful tips to ensure you get your etiquette and thank you notes right.

And if you're looking for even more help with your wedding thank yous, this complete guide has more advice and examples of thank you notes.

Is a Casual Wedding Dress Appropriate for an Evening Wedding?

Q: I'm planning an evening outdoor wedding, and I would like to maintain a relaxed and festive atmosphere (no stuffy arrangments and soft mood music!). I would prefer to wear a casual wedding dress (I think a simple white cotton dress from a store like J Crew would be perfect), however I have read that etiquette dictates formal attire for evening weddings. Can I wear a casual wedding dress or should I adhere to traditional wedding attire etiquette?

A: When it comes to wedding attire guidelines, the "rules" are just that - guidelines. The only "rule" you should follow is to wear something in which you feel comfortable and that complements the overall style and tone of your event. In fact, for a relaxed outdoor wedding - even one that takes place after dark - donning an elaborate ball gown just doesn't make sense. So by all means - wear a casual wedding dress, and feel comfortable on your wedding day!

-Cori Russell - style and etiquette editor

You can find even more advice on planning an outdoor wedding and wearing a casual wedding dress at Elegala.com -Elegant Galas Made Simple

Wedding Attire - What are the etiquette rules for dress code?

Q: I'm attending a New England wedding in November as a guest of a guest. What dress code rules should I adhere toto? Are long formal dresses inappropriate for anyone other than bridesmaids? What's the etiquette?
-Shelley

A: Dress codes for modern weddings have relaxed a bit, but there are still traditional standards for fabrics and styles. Style really depends on the formality of the wedding. For formal evening weddings, guests should dress for a nice dinner or event. This includes suits (or black tie) for men and dresses or skirts in sophisticated colors and fabrics for women. Lengths can also vary according to the style of event and location. For instance – an outdoor beach wedding lends itself to shorter hems and more casual fabrics; however, a formal wedding in a ballroom calls for longer ball gowns or cocktail dresses. As for colors – female guests can now wear black (a color that was once frowned upon), but to avoid competing with the bride, guests should never wear white.

Get more Wedding Etiquette Advice at Elegala.com - Elegant Galas Made Simple

-Cori Russell - style and etiquette editor

Cake Smashing - Cute Wedding Tradition or Bad Manners?

Q: My fiancé and I have been to a few weddings highlighted by the cake cutting and cake smash that followed. We think smearing a little cake onto each other’s face is a lighthearted way to display our joy and affection. My mother and some family members have suggested it’s in poor taste. It’s our wedding and our day, can we do it anyway?
- Allison -

A: You are right - it is your wedding, and your job as host and hostess is to make your guests feel comfortable. Since some of your guests have explicitly expressed that they find cake smashing offensive, subjecting them to it would be inconsiderate. Of course, no one can stop you from smashing the leftovers in your hubby’s face in the getaway car.

If you want to be sure your guests have a great time at your wedding, consult this list of the top wedding guest complaints and learn what to avoid.

-Cori Russell - Style and Etiquette Editor

Guest List - Invite Guests to Bridal Shower and Not Wedding?

Q: My maid of honor is throwing me a bridal shower, and my co-workers are on the guest list. Our reception space is limited though, so I wasn't planning to invite them to the wedding. Is it ok to invite guests to the shower and not the wedding?
-Catherine

A: General rule - if a guest is important enough to be invited to the bridal shower, that person should be important enough to attend the main event. So choose your shower list wisely, and give your maid of honor the wedding guest list ahead of time.

The only exception to this rule is if your co-workers decided to throw you an impromptu office shower - they would not necessarily expect a wedding invitation just because they threw you a happy hour send-off. The very fact that they planned it themselves suggests they are not expecting a wedding invitation.
-Cori Russell - Style and Etiquette Editor

Get even more advice on creating your wedding guest list at Elegala.com - Elegant Galas Made Simple

Setting the Date - Must We Plan Our Wedding Date Around My Sister's Wedding?

Q: My sister got engaged a few months before me and set her wedding date for a year and half from now. I would really prefer to keep our engagement shorter, but she says I have to wait and name a date after hers since she got engaged first. She's afraid no one will want to travel to her wedding if I have mine first. Do I have to wait?
-Rebecca-

A: Technically, you are under no obligation to wait until after your sister has had her wedding. However, a big part of wedding etiquette is being gracious to all involved, no matter how petty or selfish they may be acting. If having an earlier wedding is going to cause a family feud, you may want to hold off. If you really don't want to wait, consider a very short engagement and have your wedding several months before hers. With enough time in between the two events, family and friends will be happy to attend both your wedding and your sister's wedding.
-Cori Russell - Style and Etiquette Editor

Answer more of your Wedding Etiquette questions at Elegala.com - Elegant Galas Made Simple

Problem Bridesmaid - Kick Her Out Of The Wedding Party?

Q: One of my bridesmaids is driving me nuts. She criticizes every decision I make and is ruining the whole process. Can I kick her out of the wedding party?
-Leslie-

A: Ideally you two should sit down and talk it out. Ask what's bothering her and try to determine why she has issues with the decisions you're making. Perhaps she's jealous? If this is the case, a good talk between two friends may solve the issue. If she continues to behave badly, you have two choices: 1) tell her that while you value her friendship, you feel it would be best if she were no longer in the wedding party (tread lightly here though, as this may be a fatal blow to the friendship) or 2) assuming that you really do value her friendship, ask your maid-of-honor to run interference with bridesmaidzilla until after the wedding.
-Cori Russell - Style and Etiquette Editor

Bridal Party - When the Best Man's a She Instead of a He?

Q: My fiance wants to have his sister as his "best man." As much as I hate the idea, I know it's becoming popular. My question is, how should she dress? Like my bridesmaids or like the other groomsmen?
-Stacy - Washington, DC-

A: Etiquette is still evolving around this new twist in gender roles, but whatever you do, please don't put her in a tuxedo. And give her a corsage, not a boutonniere. The idea here is to give your future sister-in-law an honored part of the ceremony, not to pass her off as a guy, no matter which side of the aisle she stands on. General rule: The groom's female honor attendant can wear a gown similar to your bridesmaids' dresses or a pantsuit of the same color.
-Cori Russell - Style and Etiquette Editor, Wedding Expert -

Registry - How to let wedding guests know where you're registered

Q: I've heard that it's inappropriate to include registry information in your wedding invitations. How can you let your wedding guests know where you've registered?
-Jamile Wright - Brooklyn, NY-

A: You're correct that including registry information in your wedding invites is a no no (as it implies that gift-giving is required instead of optional). Here are your options to get the word out about your bridal registry:

The best way is for your family and bridal party to inform inquiring guests through word-of-mouth. Wedding guests realize that the couple has most likely set up a regsitry; if they want to know where the couple is registered - they'll ask.

Another option is to have your maid of honor include registry information in your shower invitations. Since bridal showers - by their very nature - are events where guests are to "shower" the bride with gifts, placing registry information in shower invitations is not considered a breach of etiquette.

If you have a wedding website, you can include it there amongst other wedding details. Just don't make your regsitry the focus of the entire site. Remember, the focus of a wedding should be on the couple's decision to make a lifelong commitment - not on their choice of china pattern.

-Cori Russell, Style and Etiquette Editor, Wedding Expert

For more etiquette advice, visit the complete Wedding Etiquette Guide at Elegala.com - Elegant Galas Made Simple

The Top 3 Bridesmaid Dilemmas - how to avoid them

After the initial congratulatory exclamations subside, distress can erupt on the bridesmaid front. From gripes about bridesmaids' dresses and wedding planning logistics, to deeper issues of insecurity and envy, even the best support systems can buckle under the strain. But you know that a blissful wedding day relies on a happy bridal party – and the best way to ensure that is to avert potential problems in advance. Here is a list of common stumbling blocks on the road to a happy bridal party – and tips to avert them:

1. Dilemma - Attire Backfire
There is a reason for the clichéd status of the heinous bridesmaid dress – and that’s because some brides just don’t think before selecting the “perfect” ensemble for their ‘maids.
Problem Solved – seriously consider allowing your attendants (or maybe just your maid of honor) to help in the dress-selection process. You can designate a color and even the style, and let them find something that suits them. There really isn’t even a rule that says they all have to match. Here is a great Bridesmaid Dress Search tool to help you and your maids find a style you can all agree on.

2. Dilemma - Money Woes
No doubt about it – being a bridesmaid is a costly endeavor, and almost every wedding party in history has included some gripes about expenses.
Problem Solved - be considerate. Don't book the room block at a 5 star hotel; don't insist your bachelorette bash be an extravagant weekend at a fancy resort; don't mandate every girl get their hair and makeup done (unless you're footing the bill.) Remember – yours is probably not the only wedding they'll be in this year – or even this month – so try to mitigate expenses at every turn.

3. Dilemma - Green with Envy
It’s often hard for us to admit – but most girls do have a bit of a jealous streak. While it’s not always intentional, it can be difficult to be completely happy for your newly-engaged friend when faced with the prospect of being the last person sitting at the singles table.
Problem Solved – reach out. Arrange a girls’ night, and celebrate your ‘maids for a change. And don’t just talk about the wedding; ask them about their lives too. Just remember to always keep the lines of communication open and be a friend.

Read even more tips on keeping your bridesmaids and wedding party happy.