Groom's Advice - Inviting ex to wedding?

Q: My fiancé wants to invite his ex to the wedding, and the idea makes me uncomfortable. I would never think of inviting one of my ex-boyfriends. Am I being unreasonable if I ask him not to ask her? - Barbara, Des Moines, IA

A: You’re marrying not only the parts of your guy that you like, you’re marrying all of him, which includes embracing all of the relationships he considers important. So, I think you are being unreasonable if you were to tell him she couldn’t or shouldn’t come. You can’t be the judge of which relationships are important enough for him to keep and which ones aren’t. If you did, that’s a one way ticket to the doghouse – and displaying some serious insecurities along the way, which no guy likes.

Using your relationship with your exes as a guide is a bit unfair too, because again, that’s not the relationship in question and there’s no way for you to know how close his friendship with his ex is today. You may think they’re just acquaintances, but he might have played down their friendship while you were dating so you wouldn’t get jealous. Now, he’s openly telling you she’s an important friend and trusting you to recognize she is just that, a friend. You really don’t have much of an argument as he’s obviously told you that you are the only woman in his life when he proposed. By asking him not to invite her, he might read that as you’re questioning his devotion to you. Plus, here’s your chance to prove to him that jealousy is not a part of your m.o. and earn a few bonus points for being so mature about the situation in the process.

Still, because you are uncomfortable, it can’t hurt to talk to him about it. Just explain how you feel. Chances are, what he says will put you at ease, or maybe he will realize it would make you uncomfortable – us guys are notoriously clueless so it’s definitely possible he never thought it would make you uncomfortable – and decide not to invite her.

If she does come, she’s certainly not going to be the first person you look forward to saying hi to, but remember that he’s marrying you and if he’s mature enough to have a friendship with an ex worthy of an invite, then you should be mature enough to accept that.

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